Day 273 / 365 - **sigh**

Tonight he was carrying around this little friend. He was throwing the ball to him, patting his head, and telling him, "he was going to be ok". As I watch him and try to understand how he is processing losing Berkley my heart just tears for him. I know he will move on quickly but what a strange thing to be this little and wonder where did your friend go to? Love you little man and I am sorry you are confused.

Day 272 / 365 - Daddy Love

Watching my boys as the sun sets on a beautiful {very warm} fall day... a little bit of perfection.

Day 271 / 365 - Why not?

If you see a giant pile of hay... why wouldn't you create a nice plush bed for yourself??

Day 270 / 365 - What Are Aunts Good For?

What are aunts good for..... buying you finger tattoos and then loading up your hands with them and then joining in on the tattoo fun with you. :))

Day 269 / 365 - Aunts

Amy & Christy are here and they came with gifts. Window stickers were the rage today and these two sat and decorated forever. I love watching him with my sisters. There is something amazing about watching their love for him and the way he loves them. Thank you girls for making him your whole world when you are here. <3 I am blessed with such amazing women as sisters.

Day 268 / 365 - What are Grandpas good for?

Grandma and Mom were out running errands and little man was over it. Grandpa knew that when we ran into Michael's it was probably going be awhile. So the tailgate dropped and the magnets came out for a little "man" time. Grandpas are good for a lot of things, but they are really good for doing "boy" things.

Day 267 / 365 - Where Has the Time Gone?

Happy Birthday to this little man today. I can't believe that he is three years old. As many moms can relate, you sit and stare at them and wonder how is it that time has passed so quickly. Ryder Andrew you have taught me how to love unconditionally. You have taught me that life's blessings are truly the little things. I love your love for me, even if you seem to be ornery and are a complete Daddy's boy right now. I love the way you say, "that's perfect" when you do something you are proud of. I love the way you wrap your hands completely around our necks when you give us a hug. I love the way you give the biggest pout face if we say something you don't like. I love the way you sing the alphabet sounds song and get them all wrong. I love the way you give us a kiss and if it "smacks" when you do it you say, "whoa that's a good smack one".  I am blessed to be your mom and as sad as it makes me that you are getting so big I love watching you grow up into this awesome little man.

Day 266 / 365 - Monster Feet

Grandma and Grandpa were here this week and they brought gifts. Including these cute little monster slippers. Such a blessing to get to spend time with family and let them see how fun his little personality is.

Day 265 / 365 - Just Another Sick Day

As much as I hate my little man being sick, I love my days home with him. I love being able to laugh with him in the middle of the day, I love that he can give me a hug when he needs too, I love that it is me that kisses him before a nap. I miss these moments.

Day 264 / 365 - Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

I will never forget the day we picked you out and brought you home. I will also never forget the day that I held your head and rubbed behind your ears as you left this world. Today was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. You trusted me with all of your soul and I hope you understand why we made the call we did. To see you today it was not you. I hated seeing you that way and I am sorry. I wish your last days would have been home with us and in a place that you know and trust. Your dad and I buried you tonight and told stories of how far we have come in life with you by our side. We laughed and cried over your love. Thank you my four legged friend for your absolute unconditional love. You never let me down. Your dad said it best ... I hope that we were half the family you were to us. Love you Berks, you are so very missed.

Day 263 / 365 - Here We Go Again

As if we didn't have enough going on this week, we have a sick little man on our hands. It never seems to fail with this little man, he is always sick on his birthday! We have lots of visitors coming so I sure hope this passes quickly.

Day 262 / 365 - Birthday Party

With all the tears surrounding us this weekend it was nice to take a little time out and celebrate this dude and his 3rd birthday! We had a very small birthday party but he loved it. There may have only been 5 of them, but it was a wild bunch of boys. :)) We had a lot of fun and I so appreciate my two great friends and their boys. You two are the only reason being away from family works. I appreciate you and your families and how much you love my child. <3

Day 261 / 365 - We Are Not Ready Yet

Mr. Berkley Donuts. You were my first baby. I remember your tiny little body with those super long ears. You would take off in a run and trip on them and tumble over. Then you would look at me like I was the one that did it. I remember going to look at your brother when your litter was born. I remember it was you who walked up to me, laid on my lap, and would not move. We sat by the fire and talked for hours and there you sat in my lap. I knew it then... we didn't not want your brother you were meant to be our puppy. I remember trying to pick out your name and we picked you up after a fishing adventure and we had a Berkley fishing pole laying next to you. I remember rushing you to the ER when you had kennel cough and were not breathing, your dad ran every red light possible.  I remember the time Grandpa made a fabulous plate of french toast and eggs and went to grab his coffee and when he came back his plate was empty. I remember the way you love your butt scratched. I remember when your bestie in our neighborhood was a great dane... man you two were a weird match playing together. I remember the way my Grandpa Walt looked when we introduced you to him. He held you forever on his bench out in his front yard. He was smiling and laughing about how funny looking you were.  I remember the way you would come and lay by me at times when I am sad and crying. You understood me. You were my dog. I love that people teased me that I turned you into me. You are quiet, even keel, and pretty laid back, you don't like to be messed with and when you are mad people know it.

You lived in a tiny condo with us, you moved out to Arizona with us, and moved to Indiana with us. You have been through it all. You are by far the world's most perfect dog.  (I will not mention the time you chewed my entire Friends DVD collection, all my shoes, our walls, and our blinds ;)) I am so sad to see this part of our life end, you are not our dog.. you are our family. You made this family work together and you were where it all started.  We know our time left with you is now very short, but the memories you are leaving us with will last forever. We are forever grateful for your love.

Day 260 / 365 - Tough Love

Tonight was a night of tough love. I think sometimes it is hard to be a teacher and to be a compassionate parent in challenging situations. Tonight at his gym class he didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to sit and watch the kids and not listen to his teachers. The mom in me thought that he was just taking it in from the sidelines, the teacher in me thought he can't disobey his teachers. I had visions of students who do not listen to me in school. Two choices later and him choosing to not listen, I scooped him up and made him leave. He was embarrassed, he was heart broken and cried a very sad cry that I had never heard before. I will be honest, tough love does not phase me... but tonight broke me. I was left heart-broken. It is not always easy being a parent and who knows what is right and wrong in the world of parenting, but I hope end the tough love pays off. 

Day 259 / 365 - Yum

I was the child my parents would find out in the garden eating tomato's right off the vine. I have tried my hardest to get my child to love them as much as I do. Tonight we were walking around the community gardens just looking and he found a few on the ground. He asked again what they were and I told him tomatoes. He then out of the blue bit down on one (yes I know community garden, not really how it works) and then spit it out and yells, "yuck, I no like that". Then just went on playing like they were balls.

Day 258 / 365 - "Hopper"

This little guy came to visit and Ryder named him Hopper. It took awhile to warm up to him and touch him, but he got there.

Day 257 / 365 - Dirt

I am pretty sure anyone with a boy will understand where this post is coming from. Dirt... where does it all come from! His little fingernails get so dirty, his ears, his toes, his cheeks... it doesn't matter if he took a bath 20 minutes ago it will return, kind of like a trick candle. We have a nightly ritual of playing in soapy water while I brush his teeth and he washes his hands. Thank goodness for the love of bubbles!

Day 256 / 365 - Trains

Grandma and Papa got this little man a train set for his birthday. To say he is over the moon would not do it justice. He loves it. He played it all night tonight, he literally barely walked away from the table. The last thing he said to me when I tucked him in tonight was, "mom, I need more choo choos... lots of them". My response, "Ry you got lots of choo choos".

"No mom... more"

Day 255 / 365 - Small Birthday

You know those moments I talk about a lot that have you thinking you know exactly how something is going to play out and then ... reality hits. Yep that's a cupcake sitting in front of my child, yes he is having a melt down, yes I just sat there taking pictures. Why was he crying you may ask... well that is because some people (including my overly cautious two year) old would think the tradition of cupcakes and candles could be extremely dangerous. He is terrified of fire and the smell of smoke. Therefore cupcakes did not turn out too well. He did warm up to the idea and even let us do a mock blowing out about 5 minutes later, but I thought this moment was important to document because this is so him and who he is.

Day 254 / 365 - "Yep That's a Good One"

He loves to take pictures with "his" cameras. He is now in a phase where he makes the shutter sound and then looks at his camera and says "yep that's a good one" or "no, that's not good". I swear I do not say this when I look at the back of my camera. :)) It cracks me up that he pretends to get the perfect shot. When I take a picture of him he looks up at me every now and then and asks, "mom did you get a good one". <3 this kid.

Day 253 / 365 - Ready for Bed

Today was a big day. He had his first gym class and it was so much fun getting to sit back and watch him follow directions and listen to his teachers. He did a great job. He loved it and although a little timid at times I was very proud of him. He was very tired tonight and was laying on his floor playing with his Thomas light and laughing.

Day 252 / 365 - Rainy Day Boredom

It was raining and we were bored... what else can I say?

Day 251 / 365 - Moose Boy

Tonight we were working on an art project and my little moose boy thought he was so funny. He literally wanted to do everything with it but make the actual moose. When I buy things for us to work on together, I sit back and wonder why do I always seem to think I can have a plan with this stuff? Fooled once again.

Day 250 / 365 - "Hanging Out"

Out tromping around on daddy's hunting grounds tonight and when I asked Ryder what we were doing his response was, "just hanging out mom". I long for the day when we can have adventures on our own land.

Day 249 / 365 - Apple Love

You may be seeing this shirt a lot in the next couple weeks as we try to get this little dude to cooperate for his 3 year old pictures...

3 years old. How did this happen? Tonight he was not having anything to do with me and my camera, there were lots of tears and we decided to forgo the pictures and enjoy some apple picking.

Day 248 / 365 - Big Kid

Big kid lesson #836 - Growing up can be scary and dangerous. We have been working on the two wheel Strider bike but tonight he looked at me and sighed and said, "I ride my old one". He has made leaps and bounds in the Strider but he still claims it to be, "very dangerous". Oh how I love my over cautious child.

Day 247 / 365 - My Loves

Somewhere in the last six months Ryder has turned into a daddy's boy. I can't exactly pin point the time it happened but he is so in love with his daddy and always wants to be near him or have him watch. I do miss my mama's boy but I have to admit it makes my heart skip a beat to walk behind them when things like this happen.

PS.... Does anyone notice how big my child is getting??!!

Day 246 / 365 - My Fog Affair

There is something so magical about driving to work in the fog with the sunrising. It is something that I do not take for granted. I stop and look at the beauty it brings to the morning. This morning was another beautiful morning. I always wonder what people think of the nut job on the side of the rode taking pictures of trees. Oh well. To each their own.

Day 245 / 365 - Anticipation

He continues to talk about his birthday coming up and how he is going to be as old as his cousin Ben. "Mom we's going to be big boys 'gether" I don't have the heart to tell him Ben is 4 now. He also says, "we can throw balls really far now". He cracks me up with the things he thinks of. Tonight he wanted balloons at the store, and he also got a cookie telling the people behind the counter that it's his birthday. I had to explain no it was not his birthday he was just really excited for the day.

Day 244 / 365 - "Rawr"

"Hey Mom....

RAWR"  ***giggles*** "I scared you".

Day 243 / 365 - "mmmmmm"

Tonight I introduced my child to the goodness of carmel apples. He took a bite and goes "mom, what's this" I told him it is a carmel apple. He looked at it, smacked his lips and his "mmmmm" said it all.