Walking For You Dad

Words can't even express how much you are missed. We always talk about how when we stop to look at a picture of you it's like we have to remind ourselves you are not here. It takes a few moments of telling yourself you can't pick up the phone, I can't hug you, I can't hear your deep raspy voice again, you will never call me sweetie again, I can't see your half smile ever again. Even typing this I have to remind myself that you aren't here any longer. This race has become a part of us and during those horrible five and a half months while we sat by your side, held your hand, fought with you, and cried with you we also felt helpless and out of control with truly understanding there was nothing we could do for you. This race helps us feel like we are still fighting, we aren't useless. I wish we could have helped you.  We have made the choice to turn that anger and sadness into something thats worthwhile and something that will help others with this diagnosis. Love you dad, miss our coffee talks, miss your hugs, miss your chuckle, miss your random check ins with us, miss your surprise show ups, miss your love for my child, miss your stubbornness, miss your hiya sweetie, miss.your.love. I am sorry we couldn't take your journey farther. It's not fair. We are walking for you, we are walking for us, we are walking for others, we are walking to prove that we will not forget you and how damn hard you fought. We love you dad.

Sweetness

Mom Please No Pictures

Sweet Girl

Oh my gosh sweet girl. You just radiate beauty and happiness. I hope as you grow your confidence in life and happiness to try new things is just a part of you. You are perfection.

Lemonade & Keychains

In 2015 I lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer. It was a horrible thing to watch and we miss him daily. We walk yearly and fundraise to raise money to give to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. This year Ryder was responsible for 10 dollars to do his part in the raise. We discussed ideas on what he could do to raise money and he came up with the idea to sell some of his Perler bead keychains that he makes. He worked for hours on it and created so many. We set up a stand and lots of friends came. Lots of family and friends donated through out website and over all he raised 554 dollars on his own to put towards this cause. I am so very proud of him and his huge heart. We miss our papaw and him and ryder were kindred spirits, they understood each other and I am so thankful for the time they had together. I will forever miss watching the the bond between the two of them. #walkingfordave

Endangered Species

The entire car ride home from the zoo he made aunt Kate look up animals on the endangered species list. he added them to the list of animals he would have at his zoo when he gets older. He came up with the idea that he could breed them there, then raise the babies and transition the entire family back into living in the wild. "Mom I could do that with enough animals that they would not need to be on the list anymore" His love for animals is something fierce - in fact lately he seems to bean animal more than he seems to be Ryder, but his heart is huge and it is so fun to watch his intense fascinations. 

Mornings Together

I know there is a five year gap between the two of them, but this is a sight that I see often. They play together and he is so good and patient with her. When I ask him if he wants me to take her a lot of times he answers with "it's okay mom, we are playing together". He plays like she is Godzilla and wrecks lots of things. It warms my mama heart to see them together and see how well they play. I was always worried about the gap and wondered if I waited to long. Don't get me wrong, we did what was right for us and our family. My five years with him were magic. He is the kind of kid that thrived with the one-on-one from us. It is just when I got pregnant with her, I wondered if we waited too long for this. Numbers do not matter. Love matters. They love each other and seeing how well they interact and love each other is all I need to calm my worries.

Hi Mom

This month we are are slowly starting to wave hi. It is so hard to catch her doing it and sometimes she will give a quick "hi" when she does it. She loves to do it when daddy gets home from work.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter. So very thankful for His continual grace and all that I have been blessed with in this life I am living.

Watching the Geese Go By

Our new house is a little slice of heaven. Our lot is not big -- but our view is huge. We have a small creek that flows through. There are geese, there are frogs, there are ducks, there are blue herons. It is amazing. Tonight while he was playing he saw a goose fight in the water and I hear him yelling, "Get him!! Get him!! A real wildlife adventure right here, awesome!! This should be on Wild Kratts" He was so excited and screaming at the top of his lungs. I was giggling. As we were wrapping up the night he was sitting and waiting for something exciting to happen.

8 Months

Happy 8 Miss Gray. You continue to talk up a storm, you love to say "dada" when mom tells you to say "mama". You think that's hilarious. You finally love the pink, moms hard work paid off. You are now bashful and snuggle into mom and dad when people talk to you. (I don't hate it) You love to play with anything and everything that are not your toys. You are crawling everywhere, you are constantly at my feet. You are trying to pull yourself up and you have two sweet little bottom teeth in that mouth. We finally figured out why you hated baby food and refused it... you simply were trying to tell us you wanted big girl food. I have no clue where you put all the food you eat. You are happy, you are beautiful, and it's a better place since you came along. Love you to the moon sweet girl.

Kindergarten Round-Up

Kindergarten Round-Up tonight for this little man. He was born an anxious and nervous soul. It takes a lot to talk him into doing things outside of the norm. He did it tonight though. He made the deciiosu to go, and he stuck with it. sure there may have been a hippo in his pocket for protection and bravery -- but I am so very proud of him for following through and not taking the easy road. I also can't believe he is going to be in kindergarten. It's mind blowing that we are at this stage. We were walking out and I introduced him to an incoming student from a former family. She smiled really big at him and said, "Ryder, I have a feeling we are going to be great friends". If that doesn't sound like the beginning of a love story... <3

New Beginnings Aren't Always Easy

Tonight we had our first tragedy in our new home. Almost five years ago my dad bought Ryder one of those silly little frogs you see at the mall. This little frog was a beast. We tried to pair him up with two different frogs which in fact he deemed alpha. To be honest I was not super careful with this frog -- tank changes were fast and not too scientific. I am shocked he lived as long as he did. Unfortunately the move was just too much for the little frog. Telling Ryder was heartbreaking. He cried and cried. He said he wanted to throw him into the creek behind our home so that a fish could eat him and the circle of life could continue. Leave it to my little animal lover to want to feed another animal with his loss. So here he is with daddy throwing Mr. Frog in. Just a silly little frog that drove me nuts when I had to clean that tank, but it broke my heart to see him sad about it.

Sweet Girl

Just a little morning reading with some friends.

Giggles & Games

I was unpacking boxes and I heard a lot of giggling coming from Ryder's room. Evie started with me and I guess made her way to the more exciting room. I peeked in and saw them all playing Jenga. Needless to say -- Evie was not winning. The room is a disaster but so very thankful for the memories that are already being made in our new home. <3