Walking For You Dad

Words can't even express how much you are missed. We always talk about how when we stop to look at a picture of you it's like we have to remind ourselves you are not here. It takes a few moments of telling yourself you can't pick up the phone, I can't hug you, I can't hear your deep raspy voice again, you will never call me sweetie again, I can't see your half smile ever again. Even typing this I have to remind myself that you aren't here any longer. This race has become a part of us and during those horrible five and a half months while we sat by your side, held your hand, fought with you, and cried with you we also felt helpless and out of control with truly understanding there was nothing we could do for you. This race helps us feel like we are still fighting, we aren't useless. I wish we could have helped you.  We have made the choice to turn that anger and sadness into something thats worthwhile and something that will help others with this diagnosis. Love you dad, miss our coffee talks, miss your hugs, miss your chuckle, miss your random check ins with us, miss your surprise show ups, miss your love for my child, miss your stubbornness, miss your hiya sweetie, miss.your.love. I am sorry we couldn't take your journey farther. It's not fair. We are walking for you, we are walking for us, we are walking for others, we are walking to prove that we will not forget you and how damn hard you fought. We love you dad.